


Hold on

by klainesangel



Category: Attack Attack!, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged up Eren Yeager, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, Eren Yeager Loves Levi, Eren has anxiety, Eren needs help, Established Levi/Eren Yeager, Eventual Fluff, Hurt Eren Yeager, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Levi Loves Eren Yeager, Levi comforts Eren, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Overdose, Pain, Sadness, Slight spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but happy ending i swear, just some references, levi and eren live together, levi helps eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainesangel/pseuds/klainesangel
Summary: Eren Yeager has a near-death experience when he tries to take his own life. Levi is there to help him and to pick up the pieces of the broken man before him.inspired and written while listening to 'Hold on' by Chord Overstreetor alternatively, 'i wrote this to cope one night and thought it might be cool to post'
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53





	1. please don't leave me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is the first ereri fic I've ever written! It's also the first fic I've ever written that is read from the pov of the characters rather than an external entity so I hope i still got the point across!  
> I'll hopefully be updating this every Thursday, all being well. I also don't know how long this is going to be so bear with me on that one! 
> 
> (trigger warnings for drug use, alcohol use, sh, homophobia, abuse and some other not so happy topics so please be weary of that!)
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

I took in one long, shaky breath as my head tilted back against the tile wall. It was cold, or at least I think it was. Not that I could really feel it, not now. The whole room was spinning and I could hear someone calling my name, just barely, so faint, so low, hardly there.

But it was. Someone was at the door. God, why did they have to be so loud? They were at the door, whispering my name.

Whispering? No, maybe they were yelling.

Yep, definitely yelling.

“go away” it came out as nothing more than a croak, I cleared my throat and tried again.

“GO AWAY!” the force in my voice caused me to coil in on myself; three words took every inch of energy from my body. 

Why am i so weak? And why am I so selfish? We were so happy and now…

I’ve gone and ruined that.

The bottle slipped from my hand as I lay my head on the floor, holding my stomach. I could feel my mind slipping in and out of consciousness as my eyes rolled back in my head. The last thing I remember seeing was the door slamming open and Levi scampering across the short distance between us, scooping my now limp body into his arms. I could hear words, of some sort, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.  
Then it all went black.

~

“Eren! Eren let me in! God damn it kid open the door!” I was pounding on the door and desperately shaking the handle, trying my best to keep myself together, I didn’t know what I would see when I got the door open but I was holding onto the hope that he would be ok, that he would be sitting there, alive, maybe just crying, but still breathing.  
I was stupid to think that would be the case.

The door wasn’t opening so I resorted to kicking it in, which just about did the trick. Once my line of vision was no longer obstructed by a plank of wood, I was met with the one thing I didn’t want to see.

“EREN!” I yelled, as I moved towards him with as much haste as I could, catching his head as it made contact with the floor. I frantically ran my hand through his hair, moving it to see his face. He was unconscious now, and his skin was covered in a cold sweat. I shoved my hand into my pocket for my mobile and yanked it out, opening it and dialling 911 quickly as I could.

“Eren! Eren stay with me, god please!” I pulled him closer to my chest and I could feel his heartbeat, it was so weak and inconsistent, but it was still there.

That’s what I kept telling myself.

“Eren please! Please wake up- hey, hello!” I was in tears now, my words catching in my throat as I spoke.

“911 what’s your emergency?” the voice spoke over the phone.

“It’s my boyfriend he’s- he took something and now I can’t get him to wake up. God Eren please stay with me!” my cries turned to shouting as I shook his stiff body.

“Sir could you tell me what he took?” she inquired, her voice followed by taps of a keyboard.

“Eh- I think it was…god I don’t know ho-hold on” as much as I wanted to be strong, my voice was breaking.

I reached for the bottle that had rolled away from us and read the label.

“Ben-sodi-ze-pens?” I couldn’t read it for shit, between the tears in my eyes and the overly complicated spelling, the letters made no sense.

“Benzodiazepines, ok sir I’m going to have to ask for your current address.”

I told her our address, just barely remembering it myself.

“Alright sir, there’s an ambulance on route to your location now, I’m going to stay on the phone with you until they arrive ok?” 

I could only hum in response.

I sat the phone down beside me and placed both hands on Eren’s head, his hair sticking to my fingers. My body was cold, shivering, and I could feel myself rocking back and forth with him in my arms.

‘God where are they?!’ I thought to myself, they were taking too long.

“Eren? EREN! P-please…please don’t leave me. Not like this.” 

I’m not sure how long we were on that floor for before they arrived, but once they did, I didn’t want to let him go. I knew I had to, but I couldn’t, I didn’t know if I'd see him if they took him, if he got into that ambulance would he come back out of it?

“Sir, sir you’re going to have to let him go, sir if we’re going to have a chance of saving him we're going to have to leave now” a paramedic was leant down in front of us and placed a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up and back down at Eren.

Fuck.

I reluctantly let go of him as the paramedic took him and called over the others. They placed him on a table and carried him away. They were out the door, and if it wasn’t for the man asking if I was following in my car or riding in the ambulance with them, I probably would’ve stayed on that floor, in complete shock.  
“Eh, ambulance, i- I’m coming now” I managed to choke out, pulling myself off the hard floor. The man gave me a sympathetic look before turning and making his way to the ambulance. I climbed into the back with Eren and the other medics as they were placing a mask over his face.

His shirt had been ripped open and they had placed some sort of circles on him. What the hell were they gonna do? I could hear beeping from there machine that was supplying him with oxygen. Everything was so loud, and yet all I could focus on was the way his chest rose and fell at such an unsteady pace. Was this it? Was he going to die here, in the back of a camped ambulance, surrounded by strangers. Without hearing me tell him ai love him one last time. Without his last cup of coffee, or last walk in the park. Without saying goodbye to Armin and Mikasa.

Armin and Mikasa…shit.

I pulled my phone out of pocket again and looked at the screen. There was a missed call from Erwin but it could wait. I clicked Mikasa’s contact name and the line rang a few times before she finally picked up.  
“Hey Levi, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now can I call you-“

“Mikasa it's about Eren, there’s been an accident.” I cut her off.

She was silent for a beat. “What happened, is he ok?” I could hear the panic in her voice.

“He took something, I couldn’t stop him I tried but he ran from me, he locked himself in the bathroom and I wasn’t fucking quick enough!” I could see the medic glance at me before returning to work on Eren. “We're in an ambulance now, we're on our way to the hospital, you need to meet us there.”

Without another word, I could hear her moving away from whatever she was previously doing. “I’ll be there, I'll let Armin know” she hung up before I got the chance to say anything else.

I moved the phone away from my ear and placed it on the seat beside me, clasping my hands together and holding them to my mouth. I looked over at Eren briefly, but it hurt to see him like that. I resorted to burning a hole in the box and floor in front of me. 

I'm not sure how long we were in the back of that ambulance but before I knew it we had pulled up outside the hospital and Eren was being taken out and moved. It didn't take me long to snap out of the trance I was in, causing me to jump out after him, to start running after the cluster of doctors and nurses who were only trying to help. I was so close to the door, so close to being at his side, until I felt two strong arms grab me from behind.

My knees gave in and I fell to the ground, he was gone. The doors had closed and I was left out here in the cold, on the ground, without him.

"You have to let them help Levi, as soon as possible or he might die! You know that!"

I didn't even register who was speaking and holding onto me at the time, but I'd never been more grateful to be held back than I was in that moment. I knew they were going to help him, that's what they did. But I couldn't help but yearn for a time when helping him was my job. Then again, everything was so much simpler then.


	2. Come back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi, Armin and Mikasa await news in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back again with another update, apologies for this one being a little shorter but I hope this is sufficient aha, these chapters will be setting up for longer chapters later! Anyway, enjoy!

It was a few hours before we were allowed to see him, in that time Mikasa managed to get me to eat something, I wasn’t sure how I did considering the pain I felt in the pit of my stomach as I ate. Armin arrived 20 minutes after Mikasa did and telling him turned out to be a bit harder than anticipated.

“What do you mean? Why didn’t you stop him?” he was yelling in my face. All I could do was stand there and take it; there wasn’t anything he could say that I hadn’t thought already.

“Armin I tried…we were talking, but he pushed himself away from me, further than I’d ever seen him. He was closed off and wouldn’t talk to me, I knew something was up but I didn’t think he would do something like this, otherwise, I would have done better!” I tried my best to stay calm but I could feel the anger and guilt building up inside me. Why didn’t I do more, why didn’t I see he was hurting? 

“If you knew why didn’t you say something?!” his yelling was drawing the attention of the other people in the waiting room, I could feel their eyes on us. He didn’t seem to care though.

“Armin, I told you, I tried-“

“BULLSHIT! YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER” he interrupted. His voice had risen to a new level that had alerted Mikasa to rise from her seat and make her way over to us.

“Maybe we should take this out to the hall” she interjected.

Armin only huffed in response.

We made our way out to the hall outside the small waiting room and as soon as the door closed behind us I felt my shoulders being pinned against the wall followed by Armin in my face.

“Why didn’t you try to save him?” his eyes were burning and I could do nothing but grasp at his hands, that had now moved to my neck.

“Ar- Armin, st-s-stop” was all I could croak out.

Mikasa was fast to pull him off, but I knew there would be marks on my neck tomorrow. I gasped again, grabbing the railing on the wall to support myself. The coconut could be strong when he wanted to be. 

“Armin please…” Mikasa spoke, trying to calm him.

“You should have done more to help him.” The force was gone from his voice, now replaced by pure anguish. He looked at me like I was the one who did this to Eren. Like it was all my fault, and maybe it was…

“I know, and I don’t think a second will ever go by that I don’t think that.” I locked eyes with him. His gaze held mine before he looked away again, I could see the tears forming.  
“Armin…” Mikasa reached out her hand for him, but he pushed her away.

“I’m going to get a drink, let me know if you hear anything.” He walked off and turned a corner to head to the cafeteria.

I stared at the floor, my hands clenched in fists at my sides. His words rattled around in my head. ‘You should have done more.’ 

Trust me Armin, I know. 

Mikasa walked over to me, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it tight. “Levi don’t do this.”

I looked up at her. “Do what? I asked, my voice trembling. She smiled softly.

“Don’t blame yourself. Don’t let it eat you up until there’s nothing left.” Her eyes were staring into mine, but I couldn’t hold her stare. 

“I-I know…” 

It was hardly was a believable statement but it seemed to be good enough for her at that moment. Either that, or she didn’t want to push. She gave my hand one more soft squeeze before stepping back.

“I’m going to go talk to Armin; he’s just upset right now. He didn’t mean anything he said. He needs time to process.” She turned and walked away, in the same direction that Armin had gone minutes before.

“I’ll try.” I whispered.

I slowly headed back towards the waiting room and sat back down. My hands found a stray thread in my jeans, and soon I caught myself absentmindedly pulling away at the material. 

“Sir.” A doctor appeared at my side. I glanced up at the clock, realising I had no idea how long had passed since I had returned to my seat. There was no sign of Armin or Mikasa so it couldn’t have been too long. 

“Sir, you can see him now” He motioned down the hall. I rose from my seat and followed him to the door.

I stopped in the doorway. He was laying in the bed, a nurse working at the machines around him. She looked up at us, pressing one more button before hurrying out of the room. The doctor at my side gave her a small nod as she left.

“He’s not conscious yet, but he’s stable. If you need anything just press the button.” He patted me once on the shoulder before he walked off. 

I made my way over to the side of the bed. His face was so pale. As I reached out my hand to touch his cheek a shiver ran through me. Why was he so cold? He shouldn’t be cold.  
My legs collapsed bringing the rest of my body with me, my head landing on the bed beside his arm. His hand was still wrapped around mine but there was nothing but my own hold keeping it there. Tears began to fill my eyes as I felt my breaths becoming more sporadic. 

“I need you to wake up Eren. I can’t imagine a world that you’re not in, a world with you gone…” My eyes flew shut as I felt the wave of emotions pour over me.

“I still need you.”

I always needed him. He was the only thing that made sense in life anymore. Without him, I was nothing. 

And then I felt the grip around my hand tighten.

I looked up and was met by those beautiful green eyes, ones that used to sparkle with life, but now were just as dim and dark as the rest of the hospital room.  
The cries left my body in an instant, because his eyes were open. That’s all that mattered right now.

My composure returned to a somewhat normal position as I moved closer to look at him.

“You came back to me…” I muttered 

He flashed a small smile in response.

“Of course I did.”


End file.
